Torn
by Angel Taisha
Summary: Rewrite of my first fic: The Loves in His Life. A trip Baralai had taken to Besaid to visit with friends for an impromptu bonfire brought back memories he thought he locked deep down in the Purifico of his heart forever. PaineXBaralai AU
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ever since I got a better handle on my writing I had hoped to go back and revise a few of my old fics. I was able to do that with "Your Family Needs You" by creating "Return", and eventually I wanted to rewrite "The Loves in His Life" as well. This is the result of that rewrite; some parts are the same, some are different, and I hope anyone that has read TLiHL will enjoy this as well. For the record, this (as with all of my fics) is AU, and there may be some OOC-ness, but I am aware of that. I own nothing. **

**Chapter 1:**

Bevelle, early evening:

The sun began to set on Bevelle Temple in its usual, predictable way. One could always tell what time it was in Bevelle when the daylight began to recede and the temple lights would flicker on one by one like clockwork, secretly letting the inhabitants know it was finally time to go home. Merchants folded their tents and packed their portable stores, heading out of town to the various places they had come from earlier in the morning.

In an office window at one of the highest points in the temple, a light stayed on, as the other indoor lights turned off in a manner similar to the ones outside. Baralai sat at his desk; papers stacked higher than his head sandwiched him between them. There would be no going home just yet for the young man. Being the second in command to New Yevon in this new Spira offered him very few chances for leisure. He didn't particularly mind; he had been at it for two years now since the eternal calm and found his routine to be comforting in contrast to his possessor's thwarted and messy attempt at making him take down Spira with his own hands.

Despite his tolerant nature towards working all hours, this night in particular made it hard for Baralai to concentrate. His mind was nowhere near the endless requests for meetings and silly desires from villagers to run mango stands outside the temple. A trip he had taken to Besaid a couple of weeks ago to visit with his friends for an impromptu bonfire brought back memories he would have liked to have kept locked deep down in the Purifico of his heart forever. Putting his pen back into its holder, Baralai pinched the bridge of his nose with his left hand and breathed a long, drawn out sigh. He gazed out of his window to the star filled sky and the memory he had longed to forget came flooding back like it happened only yesterday.

~X~

_Flashback four years ago. _

_The events of the Den of Woe had happened on this day, and the only surviving team and its recorder sat around a bonfire on the outskirts of the _Mi'ihen_ Highroad late that evening. They had decided that night would be the last time they would be seen together; that first thing in the morning they would all part ways in hopes of not becoming statistics themselves. _

_With full stomachs and heavy hearts, the four settled into their sleeping bags and nodded off one by one…or at least three managed to. After tossing around for almost a half an hour, Paine decided sleep was just not coming to her and climbed out of her sleeping bag as quietly as she could. _

_She made her way to a small stream at the bottom of the _Mi'ihen_; a stone's throw from their makeshift camp and sat on a boulder at the edge, dangling her feet in the cold, dark water. She wore only her leather shorts and tube top, thankful to be out of the heavy drape and belt buckles that made up the rest of her warrior's gear after the day she'd had. Paine splashed the water with her foot, watching it ripple and calm repeatedly, but it did nothing to relieve her of the dread and uncertainty she felt not knowing what tomorrow would hold for her and her companions, especially a certain praetor. _

_Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of footsteps approaching behind her. She didn't have her sword on hand, but Paine always kept a tiny dagger tucked in the side of her shorts and she reached for it, holding it close to her thigh. Knowing deep down it was probably just a rabbit, raccoon, or any other little creature that occupied the night didn't prompt her to take any unnecessary chances just the same. As the footsteps came closer, Paine continued to act like she didn't notice anything and struck when they were right behind her, knocking whatever it was to the ground with a THUD!_

_As she turned to see the animal she had struck, Paine was surprised to not see an animal after all, but rather a man, and he was on his back with his feet to her face. The warrior had stood up to get a better look, realizing it was the very object of her thoughts. Baralai rubbed the back of his head while he sat up and Paine knelt down beside him to examine it as well._

_"I'm sorry." She said, turning his face away from hers so she could get a better look at the growing lump that was forming. "Thought you were a bunny."_

_Baralai scoffed. Turning to face her, he knitted his brows. "Pretty harsh tactics just for a bunny, don't you think, Paine?" He pushed her hand away from his head, placing it on the ground beside them. Noticing she seemed affected by that simple action he added with a smile. "It's ok. I'm not hurt." _

_"What are you doing out here anyway?" She asked dryly, bringing her knees to her chest, leaning against her friend to keep warm. _

_"I should ask the same of you!" He replied, leaning right back into her. Baralai himself was shirtless, clad only in the pants of his Yevon attire. He reached over to his other side, pulling up a large blanket. "Here" he said, draping it over the two of them. "I brought this with me. It felt a little cold." _

_The two huddled under the blanket by the water, staring up at the star filled sky for a moment in silence before Baralai spoke again. "Is something on your mind? You can tell me, you know?" His voice was soft; pregnant with understanding and concern. When Paine glanced over at him his eyes seemed to match the tone of his voice and it made her blush a little in embarrassment._

_"It's nothing." She said hesitantly, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. "Well...it's not 'nothing', but it's not important either." Paine reached for the edge of the blanket that draped on her shoulders and pulled it closer to her, not saying another word._

_When talking to Paine, Baralai knew most of the time when to inquire further on an answer she gave him and when not to, but seeing this would be the last time they would cross paths for Yevon knew how long, he decided to inquire further anyway._

_"Please Paine." He softly pleaded, placing his hand over hers. "Think of it like old times when we used to talk." Baralai brushed his thumb along her fingers absentmindedly, his eyes steady and focused on hers. He hoped she would remember the countless nights they spent sharing thoughts and stories about their lives, families and fears about their mission before that morning when it was realized it had all been for nothing. _

_Paine did not speak another word for a few moments, instead choosing to look off into the lake and the fields. She couldn't bear to look into his eyes any longer...there was no way she could ever tell Baralai that he was the reason she was the way she was, but as she sat there with him continuing to caress her hand in slow, poignant circles with his thumb it became all too clear to her. That perhaps he might have been feeling the same way? Or maybe he was just being extra nice. She knew she didn't have the luxury of time to hold off saying anything to him. Paine would have to set her treasure box of secrets aside and share this one with him. What did she have to lose anyway? It wasn't like she was ever going to be lucky enough to get to see him again._

_"You really want to know?" She finally piped up, startling Baralai with her words. "I'll tell you. But if you tell the others I'm gonna beat you into a bloody stump." A chuckle came out of her at her last ditch effort to still sound cool despite her crumbling emotions. When he gave the go ahead for her to continue she scrambled in her mind to put the words in the right order but could not, forcing her to act on impulse- yet another thing she wasn't accustomed to. It seemed she was going to break all kinds of records that night, and before Baralai could nudge her more on what she was going to say Paine inched her face towards his and stole his lips, kissing him softly, taking the young man by surprise._

_As if it were the most natural thing in the world, Baralai put his arms around Paine's waist and returned the kiss, shifting himself over her while both still under the blanket. They paused, and he caressed the side of her cheek, smiling down at her warmly as she blushed._

_"So I'd say this was pretty important after all, wouldn't you?" He asked, moving in to kiss her once more. "The question is, now what?"_

_Paine smiled, a lone tear escaped from the corner of her eye and he caught it with his thumb. "I don't know..." was her uneasy reply."I didn't think that far ahead. I thought that was the navigator's job" She adjusted to his weight on top of her and played with a few stray white hairs by his right ear, and he laughed; his brown eyes sparkled like the stars above them._

_"touché" he murmured, lowering himself into her lips again, stealing a few more kisses before lifting his head back up to address their current situation. "We have tonight..." was all he could say; he was unable to resist his urges to kiss her any longer and she seemed like she was losing all resistance she had pent up as well. _

_"Fine. No regrets?" She asked, gasping for breath, her voice a little shaky. "There's no going back from this you know?"_

_"And what of the others?"_

_"They don't need to know." Paine replied, and the two disappeared underneath the warmth of their blanket, lost beneath the moon's light that reflected off of the stream before them. _

_ ~X~_

"Baralai!" a voice shouted out and he shot back to his senses, blinking his eyes quickly in an attempt to get the bearings he had lost along with the perfect stack of papers that now laid in equal messes on the floor beside both sides of his desk.

"I'm sorry." He muttered, taking in a huge breath and leaving his seat to pick up the papers. "I must have dosed off." Baralai looked to Andra, the source of the voice and frowned. "What are you doing here? It is quite late and you should not be roaming around Bevelle by yourself." As he rose to his seat the young woman put her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

"It is later than usual for even you, mister!" She said, releasing him from her hold and tapping her left wrist with her right hand. "I had to come and make sure you were all right. What is wrong with you anyway?" Andra added, a little concerned. "Ever since we left that bonfire two weeks ago you've been acting very strange to me." Eyes bluer than the ocean looked at Baralai with sudden fear in them. "Is it about our announcement? Are you having any regrets about it?" Her tone was low and sad as if her assumption were to be true if she spoke any louder.

Baralai smiled at the petite red headed woman, grabbing her hand in his. "Of course not! I was happy to announce our engagement! I guess I just get nostalgic whenever I see everybody." He lied, bringing her hand up to his mouth so he could kiss it. "Now why don't we go home before it gets so late I'm going to end up having to stay here anyway? Shall we?" Feeling like he dodged a bullet, the two made their way out of his office and through the now darkened corridors of the temple hand in hand.

As they walked on in silence, Baralai was taken back to that time on the Mi'ihen, but to the next morning when Nooj decided to turn traitor and shoot the three of them outside of Rin's shop. His breath caught in his chest remembering the searing pain through his side from the bullet and the uncertainty he felt concerning whether or not Paine and Gippal's wounds were as bad as or worse than his. He wouldn't find out about the guys until later on when he, Nooj and Gippal had already formed their respective groups. As for Paine- he didn't find out about her until she showed up with Rikku and Yuna in front of his temple. Baralai remembered how relieved he was to see her, but how hurt he was when she just blew him off. At that time it didn't matter anyway. He had already moved on, or at least he _told_ himself he did by deciding to date Andra, the Chairman's daughter.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: The first version of this story was written and heavily influenced by songs I was listening to at the time, and because I was an excited first-time writer, I wrote the lyrics into the chapters. That was before I learned about how adding them tends to interfere with the flow of the story. There are still going to be song lyrics in some chapters, but they _will_ serve a purpose, not just be thrown between the text. For example, the songs Paine sings are actual words to a song which I'll put at the bottom of the chapter for credit. I own nothing! NADA! Enjoy?**

**Chapter 2:**

Kilika: Baralai's house

Baralai had trouble falling asleep that night. Lying alone in his bed, all he could think about was the bonfire that Andra had spoken of at his office, the announcement he made, and the friend he lost.

~X~

_flashback two weeks ago, Besaid beach._

_Every so often since they saved Spira, the seven friends (and Tidus) would have a bonfire where they would reconnect with one another despite growing responsibilities they had all inherited. It was a pact they had made, to make sure no matter how busy they would get that they would never forget all they had gone through together. _

_As it was getting towards the end of their evening, Baralai rose to his feet along with Andra to share some happy news with everyone. _

_"I just want to announce that I have proposed to Andra and she accepted!" Baralai blushed, wrapping an arm around his fiancée, kissing her forehead tenderly. "We would be delighted to have you all be a part of it, if you're willing." _

_Everyone rose to their feet and tipped their drinks to Baralai and Andra...well, all aside from a certain warrior who was not actually sitting with everyone. She had been distant the entire evening, preferring to keep the shoreline as company over her friends. Rikku shot a glance over at Paine and frowned at Gippal._

_"just look at her!" she said with a pout. "She probably feels like a ninth wheel."_

_"I think you mean 'third wheel' Cid's girl." Gippal corrected her, poking Rikku's nose with his index finger. _

_"No!" Rikku protested, counting on her fingers. "There's nine of us!" and Gippal rolled his eyes, refusing to argue with her at that point. "Anyway I think she kinda feels left out, ya know?" _

_"She shouldn't feel that way among friends." Nooj said sourly. "Besides, it's not like LeBlanc and I are exclusive" He had earned a few icy glances from the blonde, but Nooj didn't seem to notice and pointed to Baralai. "Maybe you should go over there and talk to her- see what's going on with her lately"_

_"Yeah!" Gippal agreed, taking a swig of his beer. "You two were pretty cozy during our squad days; she'll talk to you." He trailed off, watching his friend stare off into the dark, pounding sea before her. _

"_Then I'll go over and speak with her." Baralai declared, and with an approving nod from Andra he made his way down the dune and to the shoreline where Paine was sitting. He thought of their evening together wondering if Nooj or Gippal ever found out about it, and hoped that she wasn't the reason she was avoiding him. It had happened so long ago; there was no way she could still feel any residuals from it, right? _

_Paine could sense him standing behind her but refused to turn around. She had known Andra for as long as everyone else had; Baralai started seeing her the previous year, once he was sure he was no longer a threat to Spira or anyone else. Paine saw how his eyes grew soft around the young woman, and how smitten he was with her. Everyone was- Andra's father Adler was the main Chairman of New Yevon; a well respected man about Bevelle. He helped bring Baralai back into the fold after Vegnagun's defeat, and noticed his daughter and he taking a shine to one another. It was a great match and Paine knew that, but she still felt a bit…well, she wasn't really sure how she felt at that point. Her train of thought was interrupted by Baralai asking if he could sit beside her and she shrugged, not taking her eyes off of the water as it crashed along the edges of the shore._

"_She's a good match for you, Baralai." Paine broke the silence, leaning herself closer to her knees; her chin resting a top them. _

"_Yes. This will be great for Bevelle. It needs a reason to celebrate." He added, sitting himself Indian style next to her. He didn't notice Paine's sudden glaring at him._

"_I said she was a good match for __**you**__…not Bevelle. How do __**you**__ feel about this?" Baralai's brown eyes finally met her red ones but he quickly darted them back down to the sand, hesitating on the question. "You don't sound convinced."_

"_I am, and I feel great, otherwise I wouldn't have asked her…" He paused. "Besides, It's about time I had anyway." Somehow his tone didn't match with the words he was trying to say, and Paine immediately picked up on it-another thing he knew she would. "Why do you seem so defensive?" Baralai knew he was going to receive backlash for that question merely by seeing the fire burning in her already smoldering eyes. He braced himself for its burn, but on the other hand, he felt it was worth it because he loved it when her eyes lit up. Immediately he dismissed the thoughts as she spoke up. _

"_I have no idea what you're getting at. I merely asked you your feelings, which don't seem like you're really sure this is what you want." She rose to her feet, brushing the sand off of her backside and lower legs angrily. _

"_And I said I was fine with it. I love Andra, and I'm committed to her. Just because you may be clinging to any old sentiments does not mean I am…" Baralai winced as the words came out like vomit. Even he knew he had gone too far but it was too late. "Paine, I'm…"_

"_Just forget it." She stood with her arms folded above him, her eyes continuing to pierce him mercilessly. "For you to even assume that I am holding onto anything is complete bull. Enjoy your life, Baralai. Goodnight." And with that she walked off coolly, approached her friends and said her goodbyes. Paine congratulated Andra personally before leaving the bonfire, and promptly disappeared in the night without another word. _

_End flashback_

_~X~  
_

No one had heard from Paine since the bonfire. She was very adept at keeping what she did in her personal time private, and no one thought much of it since she had always been that way.

Baralai turned to his side; the questions Paine had asked him echoed in his ears as he lie there, still unable to sleep.

"_I said she was a good match for __**you**__…not Bevelle. How do __**you**__ feel about this?"_

At first Baralai scoffed at what Paine was implying as he brought the cotton sheets up over his shoulder. He was in love with Andra and wanted to spend his life with her…

…or at least he _did_ want to at one time.

He spent the next couple of hours trying to justify his actions to an imaginary Paine at an imaginary bonfire, hoping everything he came up with would convince the disbelieving image. As he did that though, the image of Paine disappeared and was replaced with an image of himself, and found that this image wasn't buying any of his justifications either.

Why was he suddenly feeling like he was having doubts about his decision and his love for Andra? He knew that Paine hadn't felt anything for him regarding their evening together based on her attitude towards him alone the night of the bonfire, but a nagging voice in the back of his mind kept asking him what if she were hiding that fact? Baralai laughed with that thought, feeling a guilty for being so full of himself, but why was he secretly wishing that maybe there was some truth to that thought?

"I've managed to get myself over that night…haven't I?"

Needless to say, Baralai was awake for the rest of the night, unable to get the sudden thoughts of his former comrade out of his mind.

~X~

_**Meanwhile that same night in a crowded Luca club…**_

Rikku was enjoying a few drinks seated at the helm of the bar. She had been there a few hours, taking down Absolut and Orange Juice drinks faster than her battle with Vegnagun. The place was packed with all types of young people and races, all sharing the same purpose as Rikku; listening to the singers and bands that came to the stage and dancing to the DJ's in between. Occasionally the thief liked relaxing after a tough day of helping her people rebuild HOME, and this club had been her new favorite haunt, what with its inexpensive drinks and great bands. Rikku drank the last of her cocktail and slammed the glass onto the bar's surface, wincing at the strength of the vodka.

"Pyngaab!" She hollered to the barkeep in her native tongue; a usual first sign for the woman that she was getting a little drunk. "I mean…_barkeep_! 'Kai have 'nother one of these pleeeeease?" She asked, flashing her glazing spiraled eyes as she waved her empty glass up into the air.

The barkeep was drying off a newly cleaned glass with a paper towel; his eyebrow undulated as he looked at her quizzically. "You sure you can handle another one? You've had quite a bit tonight…" He stated, continuing to eye the now angering woman before him.

"Ish fine!" She hiccupped, placing her glass onto the bar. "I only had…" she counted on her fingers three times before giving up. "Maybe three or four…C'mon! just gimmie da drink already. I kin handle it!" She plopped some Gil coins next to her empty glass and the barkeep reluctantly complied, pouring Rikku another drink, this time putting in more orange juice than booze. Thankfully she didn't seem to notice as she sucked it down. The man wondered to himself if she even tasted them anymore as he walked away.

The lights had begun to dim once again to announce the arrival of the next performer to take the stage behind Rikku. The pianist began the song, and the spotlight was dark, hiding the singer at first as she sang; her voice echoed throughout the room, making its way to the inebriated thief's ears.

"_Time cast a spell on you, but you won't forget me…"_

Rikku sat up in attention, unable to believe what she was hearing at first, but in her disbelief didn't turn around as the voice kept singing.

"_I know I could have loved you but you would not let me…"_

She finally turned around, squinting her eyes towards the stage as the spotlight finally lit up the singer, making Rikku's eyes practically bulge right out of her head.

_"I'll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you..."_

"No. frickin'. way…" she slurred, staring in shock as the person continued on.

"_You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you…"_

Before Rikku could say another word, she promptly fell off of her bar stool, and the barkeep approached her from her left side, lifting her up by her arm.

"Okay girlie, I'd say you definitely had enough tonight."

"Get yer grimy hands offa me!" She shouted, trying to break free from his grasp. "I told ya I was fine! Get offa my back!" Once freed, Rikku shoved the barkeep, angering him.

He called out to the bouncers standing at the door and they approached, each grabbing Rikku by her arms. "Get her outta here! She's done!" and despite the woman's protests, she was flung out of the club and out onto her ass.

As Rikku sat on the pebbly pavement a little embarrassed, she continued to obsess over and ponder the identity of the person singing inside the club. With a hand to her now throbbing head she uttered one name.

"Paine?"

~X~

**A/N: Words in italics lyrics to Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

**Besaid Island; Yuna and Tidus' home**

Rikku pounded on the front door impatiently, waiting for either Yuna or Tidus to answer. She had gotten up extra early to be able to tell them of what she'd seen the night before and was dying to tell them, despite the nagging headache she had. Finally in mid knock the door opened, and Tidus stood there with a smile on his face.

"Hey Rikku, what's goin' on?" He asked, opening the door wide enough for the woman to come in. "You don't look so good…rough night?" Tidus received a punch in the arm for that question and laughed as he followed her upstairs to his living room.

"I'm no worse off than I usually am when I go out for some drinks, Tidus." She informed him, adjusting the headband on her forehead, brushing some random braids out of her face. "Just a headache, but nothin' that can top the juicy news I've got to share with you and Yunie!" Rikku looked around the room for her cousin. "Where is she, anyway?"

Tidus took a seat on one of the three plush red couches in his living room and Rikku sat in another. "She's comin', just fixing the bed upstairs or something. You want some water, or anything else to drink?" He rose from his seat but Rikku motioned for him to sit back down, declining politely.

Yuna headed down the spiral staircase happy to see Rikku in her living room. "So, what's this 'Juicy news you've got to share'? We're dying to know!" The former summoner sat down next to her husband, gripping onto his knee with her right hand.

"Well, you know that super hip club I've been goin' to lately? The one I'm always talking about with the cool bands and singers?" She folded one knee over the other as the two before her nodded, egging her on.  
"There was this one singer….and she was _amazing!_ I had never heard a more angelic voice." Rikku trailed off as she remembered how lovely she sounded throughout the crowded bar, and Yuna gave her a nudge, breaking her from her reverie.

"Rikku! Focus! What's the big deal about this singer?"

The blonde returned to Spira and turned her attention back to Tidus and Yuna. Grinning madly she rose from her seat with her declaration. "It was our very own Dr. P!"

The two gasped, looking at one another in disbelief before glancing back up at Rikku. "You sure it was her?" Tidus asked, a little confused. "I don't know her as well as you but even I get the vibe that she's not the type that would do that…"

"But it really was!" Rikku pouted, sinking back into her chair. "I can make out that figure and hair anywhere…she looked great, but a little sad." She remembered once again her friend the night before, honing in on her face which seemed a little distant and regretful. "I don't think I ever saw her lookin' so down, even for Paine."

"Well she _did _leave the bonfire in a hurry after talking with Baralai." Yuna added thoughtfully. "Do you think he had anything to do with that?" She rose from her seat, heading into the kitchen and the two followed behind her, gathering around the little island as Yuna grabbed some dishes in the sink to wash them.

"What, you're thinkin' Dr. P had a thing for Baralai?" Rikku asked, grabbing a hand towel from the counter to help her cousin with the dishes. "I don't remember her ever sayin' anything about that."

Tidus sat himself down on one of the stools by the island. "Isn't she one to never say anything to _anyone?_" The two turned around to face him and then looked at each other.

"You have a point, and neither of us really know how she was before we met her….yanno, with the guys and stuff." Rikku noted, drying off a plate and placing it in the dish rack. "Maybe I can ask Gippal…see what he might know, and Nooj too. If I remember, Gippal mentioned something to Baralai about he and Paine being close back in the day at the bonfire."

"I wonder if something happened between them…" Yuna pondered, dunking a dish into the tepid, soapy water. "They seem an unlikely pair though. He's so quiet, and she's…well she's _Paine_." Rikku and Yuna shared a giggle at that remark while going about their task as Tidus sat and watched.

"Stranger things have happened, Yuna." Tidus informed them, causing them to turn around once again. "Look at Wakka and Lulu…did either of you see _that _coming?"

"Well aren't you just the voice of reason today, Tidus!" Yuna exclaimed, popping the stopper out of the sink allowing the water to drain. "you know he's right, Rikku…what if?"

Without another word, Rikku set the dishtowel back onto the counter where she found it and nodded to her cousin. "Looks like I've got some investigating to do! Something tells me this is gonna get perty interesting!" She headed for the top of the stairs, turning towards the two still in the kitchen. "I'll be getting' back to ya shortly! Later guys!" and with that she hopped down the stairs and headed out of the house.

Yuna picked up the dish towel Rikku was using to dry, wringing it out and hanging it off of the oven door. "You know, even if she _does_ find anything out, Baralai is still marrying Andra. I'm afraid we aren't going to be able to help her out with that." She hung her head in disappointment, knowing she really wasn't going to be able to help out her friend just in case something were to have been between the Praetor and Warrior. Tidus got up out of his seat and headed over to her, grabbing her hand.

"Remember what I said about stranger things…" He reminded her, kissing her hand. "I think more than anything you and I are a great result of that. Think about it." Tidus smiled at his wife and she in turn smiled back once she realized what he was talking about.

Of course. How could Yuna not recall the luck she had in getting Tidus back after two years of wondering if she'd ever see him again? If anything, they had odds stacked higher against their relationship than anyone had ever had. It filled her with hope and she kissed Tidus, surprising him a little.

"What was that for?" He asked as they parted, each with half lidded eyes.

"Just a thank you for being here." Yuna replied, burrowing her head into his chest.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

"Gippal, are you sure Rikku wasn't just very drunk the other night?" Nooj asked skeptically as the Winno zipped through the clouds towards Bevelle. "What if that _wasn't _Paine?"

"So what?" The Al-Bhed replied nonchalantly, drumming his half-gloved fingertips onto the table they both sat at. "Even if it wasn't, I dunno about you but now I'm curious as to whether something more went on between Lai and Dr. P. when we were team members. You can't say you're not even a teensy bit curious either, Noojmeister."

"That is none of my business." The Meyvn replied, disinterest in his voice. "Why should that be any of our concern?"

Gippal looked at him seriously for about a second before shifting in his seat, putting one knee over the other. "Well what if there _were _something?"

"It makes no difference. Baralai has already set himself up to marry Andra, and that is a big step for New Yevon." Nooj stood up, heading towards the ship's barkeep, he asked for a glass of bourbon. "What is the point of finding out whether or not he and Paine had something that happened over four years ago?"

Gippal decided to join Nooj, asking the Hypello barkeep for a bottle of beer. Popping the top of the bottle off using the counter, Gippal drank about half of it before slamming it back down onto its surface. Taking a seat on the stool in front of him he began peeling the label of the bottle absentmindedly.

"Did you ever think that maybe Lai isn't really wanting to marry this girl?"

"The thought didn't cross me, no." Nooj replied, swishing around the ice in his glass with his metal finger. "What makes you think he might not want to?" He didn't want to indulge the al-bhed any further, but he knew that Gippal wouldn't leave it alone if he didn't, so he listened.

"Well did you see him when he came back from talking to Paine? I'm a pretty good reader of faces and I think something happened between them that night that put some doubt in his mind. He seemed a little off after that." Gippal _was_ in fact, very good at reading people as he said; it was a habit he picked up while scouting new recruits for the Machine Faction. If one even looked at him funny, Gippal could tell if the job was something he wanted or not.

"I didn't notice." Was Nooj's reply as he ordered another bourbon.

"You don't notice anything!" Gippal shook his head, amazed at his friend. "By being here and finding out what Lai's thinkin', maybe if he _is_ starting to doubt his relationship at least we'd put a bug in his ear about Dr. P. and save him from gettin' into somethin' he doesn't really want." He looked out the window as the Winno exhaled and settled down onto the port of Bevelle. "Whelp, we find out now. Let's head on out!"

~X~

Baralai was exhausted. Not only did he not sleep that evening two nights ago, but he hadn't been able to catch much more sleep after that and it was beginning to show. Every time he would close his eyes he was thrust back to that bonfire…back to Paine sitting on the beach and the look she gave him after he had talked back to her. His dream-self would try to apologize, but Paine would not listen, rising up every time up off of the sand to leave him standing there to chew on her final words to him

"_For you to even assume that I am holding onto anything is complete bull."_

For some reason he was very upset about their conversation and how it ended. It was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of his life, but he no longer felt happy about it now that he didn't have the support of _all_ of his friends. His relationship with Paine had been fine up until that point, and that made Baralai wonder if maybe she _did_ harbor some sort of remnant feelings for him, but he wasn't that conceited; there was no way.

It also made him think of his own feelings toward her. Did that night on the Mi'hen mean anything more to him than a one night stand? He thought it didn't because they swore they would have no regrets, but he wasn't sure if he was mistaking those feelings for the ones he had for Andra. Or was it the other way around?

Baralai groaned, banging his head on the desk in frustration and a frame he had on its surface fell off, shattering. He picked the picture up, cleaning all of the glass that was threatening to damage it and he stared at it for a moment. It was of him and Andra, from when she and him participated in a race around Bevelle that benefitted orphaned children whose parents were killed by Sin. They stood side by side; Andra looked radiant as always, smiling from ear to ear. Baralai thought of her and how content she was all of the time it seemed. She had every right to be constantly happy; nothing had ever happened to shake up her perfect life.

He sighed, putting the picture in his drawer. As he was closing it, another picture caught his eye and he took it out. It was of Paine, and she must not have known it was taken. She stood on the outer deck of the Winno with her arms folded in front of her as she stared out into the sunset. The wind caught her hair just perfectly and at that moment she seemed all right but at the same time she looked troubled.

Baralai knew Paine had had a rough childhood from the stories she'd tell him, and her life was hardly ever normal. He often wondered if there was ever a time in her life when she was actually genuinely happy, and that took himself back to a time he hadn't been to in a while: when he would have done anything to make her smile if he had the chance.

"_It doesn't matter now."_ He thought as a guard entered his office with Nooj and Gippal standing behind him.

"Lord Baralai, you have guests. Shall I pour some tea?"

"Yes please, Stuvo. Thank you." Baralai glanced over Stuvo's shoulder at his friends, waving them inside. "Hey guys; what brings you both here?" As they made their way inside, Nooj settled himself on Baralai's mini sofa and Gippal plopped onto his desk.

"We just wanted to see how you were doin!" Gippal announced, smirking at Nooj. "So…how are you doing?"

"I'm fine, Gippal." Baralai answered, picking up the broken frame and tossing it into the trash. "Why do you ask?" He sat down behind his desk, but not before pushing Gippal off of it. "You can sit in one of those chairs over there, you know…"

"The desk is way more comfortable. Besides, don't change the subject!" the Al-Bhed ignored Baralai's push, re-settling himself down onto the desk. "Why do you look so rough? The bags under yer eyes could take you 'round Spira at least three times!"

"I have a lot of work to do here, Gippal if you must know." He lied, pretending to care about the stack of papers that lay across from Gippal. "I don't get much sleep. Nooj, what is he referring to?"

"Don't look at me." The Meyvn said, disregarding Gippal with a flick of his wrist. "He has it in his head that there was something going on between you and Paine while we were all together and wanted to try to beat it out of you with his ability to 'read faces'."

Baralai sat, frozen in his place upon hearing Nooj's declaration. He could feel the redness form in his cheeks and found no way to suppress it. He immediately felt like a book turned open to the plot of the story, and he knew they could read him without any words.

Gippal jumped off the desk. "I knew it! Something _did_ happen! It's written all over your face! See Noojster, I told you!" As Gippal gloated, Baralai looked at both of them helplessly, shrugging in defeat.

"Yes." He replied softly, turning his face to the floor. "Something happened…but it was only once…the night before we separated." Nooj acted like he didn't care, but Gippal was animated in his curiosity and had more than enough for the both of them.

"Go on…" He prompted, and Baralai rolled his eyes at him, but told them everything. He figured enough time had passed, and that he had nothing to hide nor be ashamed of. Once he was done he sat back down, feeling like Shuyin was leaving his body all over again.

"Wow Lai, I had no idea." Gippal was speechless, and silence hung thick in the air for a brief period of time. "So how do you feel about her now?"

"I don't feel…anything." He lied again, refusing to look either of them in the eyes. If he admitted even just a hint that he might still harbor feelings for their friend he would never hear the end of it. "I'm marrying Andra now. I love _her._"

Nooj wasn't really paying attention; he was never one to indulge in the gossips of anyone, especially his friends. He didn't concern himself with their private lives although he had concern for them as individuals.

Gippal, on the other hand could tell something was up by the way he was answered, but didn't push the praetor any further because he looked weary enough and didn't want to anger him. The two decided it was time to go and headed for the door.

"Get some sleep." Nooj instructed, shaking Baralai's hand. "Surely Isaaru could cover for you while you regroup.

"I'm fine." Baralai insisted, as he shook Gippal's hand. "Thanks for coming by. Don't be strangers." He said as he walked them out.

"Ya really need to take care of yourself, Lai." Gippal warned, staring at his friend with concern in his eye. "Don't forget it's not too late to change things."

"Good _bye_, Gippal." Baralai said, ignoring what his friend was implying as he shut his office door.

As Nooj and Gippal headed off towards the entrance and back to the Winno they looked at one another at the same time, saying the same thing.

"He still loves her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Later on that evening, Baralai exited his office, wanting nothing more than to go home to Kilika, crack open a new bottle of red wine and drink himself to sleep. He figured since he wasn't catching any z's the normal way, he hoped the wine would help. As he elevated downward on the glyph that led him to the temple's exit, Baralai stepped off and headed for the doors when he heard someone shout behind him.

"Baralai! Wait up!"

He turned to find Andra running towards him, hugging a folder to her chest and he paused, waiting for his fiancée to catch up with him. "You're here late again, Andra!" Baralai meekly smiled, pecking her cheek. "You've been here later than usual these past few days." He looked at the folder in her arms. "What's that?"

"I'll go home with you tonight, Baralai if that's OK?" She asked, and he nodded as she took his arm and they headed out of the temple. "I brought my hover car, so I'll follow you back to your house."

The hover cars were manufactured by Gippal and his faction shortly after the Eternal Calm, and while some were hesitant to use them at first, people realized Yevon had always used Machina that served more of a personal need than for weapons, and being that these vehicles could get people to where they were going not only at their own convenience, but faster and cheaper than the hover taxis, more people bought them. Gippal had given Baralai his as a gift, and the Al-Bhed could tell the Praetor was nervous about owning one, but after convincing him it was just like a smaller version of the Winno and served the same purpose, Baralai warmed up to it right away. His hover was a sleek, shiny black with gray leather interior and all of the options it had to offer. As he drove it more and more each day, Baralai ended up loving it.

Andra and Baralai arrived at his house in Kilika, both parking in his driveway and making their way inside. Because of Yevon tradition the two did not live together yet. They decided to wait until they were married for that, which in some ways was a blessing to the Praetor because aside from not living together they weren't having sex either, and lately he'd been finding it hard to resist wanting her, which could have been another reason he proposed to her when he did.

Once they made it inside, Baralai flicked on the lights, threw his keys into a bowl by the door and climbed up onto a stool in front of the island in his kitchen. "So what do you have to show me?" He yawned, resting his head upon his hands.

Andra opened the folder and six photos flew out onto the island counter of three men and women. Arranging them to her liking, she smiled, pointing to them. "Ta-da!"

"Who are they?"

"They're our bridal party! Just some of my closest friends and members of the temple I grew up with!" She began putting names to the faces, pointing at each one while she did, but Baralai stopped listening and scowled. Andra noticed the look on his face instantly. "What's wrong?"

"What about _my_ friends? Couldn't I at least have my guy friends' stand up for me instead of these…people?"

She could tell he was genuinely serious, but wrinkled her nose in disagreement. "Well…" Andra scoffed, "No offence, but your friends are better off enjoying the wedding by watching it, not being a part of it." She tried being nice, but didn't know how to say what she wanted without coming off as mean and it was obviously annoying Baralai.

"Explain that to me." He said, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks in anger.

"Ok, there's no nice way to put this, so I'm just going to say it." Andra inhaled deeply "This wedding is a bigger deal than you think, Baralai, and I want it to be perfect…"

"…Having Nooj and Gippal in the wedding would be appropriate since A, they are my friends, and B, they helped save Spira. They are respected men!"

"But one is Al-bhed and the other is infused with machina parts. This is a Yevonite wedding; what will the people think? And Seriously Baralai, to wait for Nooj to hobble down the aisle would take forever, and besides that I don't think he's an approachable guy…my friend Saki would be terrified of him if she were partnered with him as my bridesmaid."

"No one would say anything, the way Spira is now, and looks shouldn't matter, nor does the fact that Gippal is Al-Bhed and Nooj have prosthetic parts which happen to be made from machina. And what of Lady Yuna? She should definitely be one of your attendants." Baralai's head was starting to pound from the stress of the conversation and he rubbed his temples.

"Well, yes…Yuna is important, but with her in the party she's only going to take away from _me!_ And it is _my_ wedding day. People would only come to see her."

"With that attitude like that they won't come at all!" Baralai blurted out, sliding himself off of the stool. "Since when did you become like this?"

Andra stood in front of him with her hands defiantly on her hips. "If you would have maybe taken the time to spend with _me_ instead of working horrible hours and gallivanting with your friends at bonfires maybe you _would_ get to know me a bit better."

"That's only once a in a blue moon, Andra…you even come with me! And you know I have a lot of work to do at the temple for your father! Stop being so…selfish." Once he said the words he knew they had affected her and her blue eyes went from cold and stern to soft and sad.

"I'm sorry, Baralai." Andra hung her head. "I guess I just miss you lately, that's all." She wiped her cheek and turned away. "I better go."

He approached his fiancée, bringing her into him with one hand while caressing her face gingerly with the other. "Forget it. Why don't we deal with this another time? I'm exhausted, but I would love your company just the same." Baralai kissed her cheek softly, then her nose and forehead before settling onto her lips. Andra brought her hands to his chest and wrapped her arms around him, bringing him closer. In one swift motion he swept her off of her feet and carried her into his bedroom where he settled her onto the bed, hovering on top of her. The more Baralai kissed her, the more his urge to hold back wavered and he began untying the ribbons that held her robes in place hastily. Just as he had gotten them undone and began slipping the garment off of her shoulders Andra put her hands over his.

"Please don't…We can't! Not yet!"

Baralai released his grip on her and rose up from the bed. "But we're getting married soon!" He reasoned, his eyes hungry with desire.

"I know, and that's why we need to wait just a bit longer…Maybe you should go take a cold shower or something." Andra slid off of the bed, heading to Baralai's closet where she took out one of the nightgowns she had left there for occasions like these. She looked back at him; Baralai sat on the bed with disappointment in his soft brown eyes as he stared at the floor. "I'm sorry." She said. "Do you want me to go home?"

"No. You can stay. I'm going to get that shower then." Baralai didn't bother to look at her. Instead he rose from the bed and headed into the bathroom that was built into his bedroom, closing the door behind him. As he stood underneath the calming spray of the water, Baralai felt as if he had gotten some sort of second wind and found he wasn't quite ready to go to bed yet. He was still a little agitated by Andra's nonchalant dismissal of his friends, and the fact that she had issues with them he didn't even know existed made Baralai feel more like he didn't know her as well as he once thought. Baralai decided he needed to get out of the house for a bit to clear his head, and he figured since Andra was sound asleep in a ball in the middle of his bed that now was a good time to go. Opening his closet door quietly, Baralai threw on some khaki pants and a simple black buttoned down top. He carried his Bevellian loafers and headband out into the living room to put them on the couch, closing the bedroom door behind him.

As he exited his house he noticed the Kilikan Ferry to Luca was still there and he made haste, hopping in his hover to catch it in time. As the ferry left port, Baralai stepped out of his hover to stand underneath the sparkling night sky; the moon hung low and full, illuminating the foamy water that splashed against the hull of the ferry. The air was warm and soft against his cheeks, and he closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the spray caressing him like a woman's soft hands would…

…like Paine's did, that night they spent together four years ago, and his eyes shot open instantly as he tried to push that moment out of his mind. With the announcement of the ferry's landing in Luca, Baralai wasted no time getting back into his hover, looking about him as if he had done something wrong despite the fact that no one was around to judge.

He drove his hover around the center of Luca, searching for a bar or Inn that was not only still open, but possibly a place where he wouldn't be recognized among the townsfolk. He parked the vehicle in front of the last bar on the strip and walked inside. It was unusually clear inside the place since Luca banned smoking from inside of eateries and other stores and Baralai appreciated that as a non-smoker himself. People were gathered in the center of the bar, dancing closely together to the music that spilled out from the speakers which hung from the ceiling's four walls. It seemed there was an intermission; a crew was busy readjusting microphones and speakers, readying the stage for its next performer. Deciding this would be a sufficient place to grab a drink, Baralai seated himself at a corner table away from any obvious eyes that could recognize him and ordered a bottle of Macalanian Cabernet.

The bar was overall dimly lit, another trait about it that Baralai was grateful for. Pouring himself a glass of his wine he took it out faster than he poured it and was already on his second glass. A couple of ladies had approached him, asking if he wanted company or to dance but he politely declined, preferring to be alone much to their disappointment. The music blaring from the speakers had stopped and an announcer came on stage, introducing the next singer. With the glass of wine in one hand, and his head resting comfortably on the other, Baralai was looking forward to enjoying the show.

That is, until he saw the singer come from behind the curtains, almost choking on his wine as she began to sing.

"_I know you think that I shouldn't still love you, or tell you that…"_

He knew his eyes couldn't have been playing tricks on him just yet- he'd only had two glasses of Cabernet. Baralai blinked, unable to take his eyes off of the woman; her long black, hip hugging dress dragged along the floor as she sauntered from one side of the stage to the other, caressing the cheeks of the men that stood in the front of the stage while she sang.

"_But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it, where's the sense in that?" _

Baralai was mesmerized by her velvet, soft voice, and her eyes the color of heat treated rubies as they shimmered from the lights of the stage. She put a hand to her short, silvery gray locks, seemingly putting all of the emotion inside her into the song.

"_I __Promise I'm not trying to make your life harder or return to where we were…"_

~X~

Paine felt more confident than usual that night, strolling around the stage with her head held high, entertaining the crowd that had come to see her with flicks of her wrists and slight, swaying movements of her hips. The song was a sad song of unrequited love, and it felt all too personal to her, which made it easier for her to portray to her audience. As she was belting out the bridge, Paine's eyes scaled the crowd of happy people, making their way to a table in the back corner of the bar and she gasped, noticing a man with an all too familiar crop of hair the color of freshly fallen snow sitting on a stool.

She tried turning away, but his eyes caught hers and his expression changed visibly on his face, and at that moment she realized he had definitely recognized her. There was no way she could just run off of the stage, so Paine continued singing, not taking her eyes off of him as the words came out.

"_And when we meet, which I'm sure we will, all that was there…will be there still…"_

Her eyes drooped and grew sad, but she was unable to stop staring at him. It had been too long since their last meeting and she was certain that he didn't care after the way she had treated him and that gave her one last jolt of confidence as she belted out the last lines of her song.

_I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue, and you will think that I've moved on…"_

~X~

Baralai couldn't help but feel affected by the song's words, and even worse so by the fact that his former comrade was singing them. It was as if only the two of them were in the room and the intensity of her sparkling red eyes bore into him, straight through to his soul. She finished the song and everyone cheered and clapped as she bowed and hurried away as fast as she could. Baralai rose from his seat, rushing to the stage door but a bouncer cut him off, denying him entrance despite his pleas that he was the Praetor of New Yevon and he knew Paine for years. He left the bar and headed down the back alley, intent on waiting for her to come out to go home. Eventually she emerged; surprised to see him standing there and she folded her arms to her chest, sighing with a bit of annoyance.

"Why are you here?"

"Paine, I swear I didn't know you were…performing here tonight." He explained with his hands in the air as he pleaded his case. "I just came out for a drink…I had no idea." Baralai could tell she wasn't convinced. She let out a huff and turned her nose upward, curling her lip into a scowl as she looked away from him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what, Lai?" She shot back, still not meeting his gaze.

He paused, afraid to say what he was trying to, knowing she would be even angrier with him. "…that you still had feelings for me."

Baralai was right- she did turn to face him, her eyes flashed like fire burning into his own. "Well haven't you turned into the conceited one? I think you should leave."

Little did he know she was on the verge of tears and wanted badly to run in the opposite direction as fast as her legs could carry her. Paine wasn't about to show him or anyone how vulnerable she was feeling at that moment, and she spun on her heels, her back to him now. It made no difference if her feelings were true or not; Baralai was spoken for and she was nobody's second choice. "Please would you go?" Her words were a mere whisper, just reaching the praetor's ears.

Baralai came up behind her, placing his hands to both of her arms. She was cold; the shawl covering the spaghetti strap dress she wore did nothing to stop the bumps from forming on her arms and he rubbed them back down with his hands as they glided up to her shoulders and back down to her wrists.

"I'm sorry…" He whispered into her ear softly, letting her arms go and she shuddered from the sudden absence of warmth. "I hope you'll be able to get over…whomever it was that hurt you…he's not worth it." And he turned around, walking away from her.

Paine put her hands over her arms to maintain the warmth that had suddenly left them. She watched Baralai walk away, knowing in his own way he was apologizing to her and she called out to him.

"Wait!"

~X~

They ended up at an all night café, sitting at a tiny round table that overlooked the Luca Ocean. Each had a warm cup of tea and little was said between them. Baralai broke the silence.

"You really were phenomenal tonight. I didn't know you sang."

She blushed, spinning her teacup between the palms of her hands in an attempt to warm them. "Thanks. I used to sing a lot with my sisters…before Sin's attack on my village. It always helped me feel better." Paine took a sip of her tea and placed the mug back onto the table. "I just want to apologize…" She said, surprising the praetor.

"Whatever for?" He stared at her as he did a long time ago once again with those soft, compassionate eyes she remembered all too well.

"For treating you the way I did at the bonfire…I had no right." She felt her stone like exterior beginning to crack and she inhaled sharply, trying to dam the tears that were threatening to fall. "It was out of line."

"It's forgotten." Baralai assured her, reaching across the table, grabbing her hand. "You're my friend, and I know you are only looking out for me. If anything I should thank you."

She pulled away from him and lost the grip on her emotions for a brief moment, allowing a tear to fall from her eye. "I have to go, Ok?" And she stood from her chair to leave but he grabbed her arm.

"Don't!"

"Let go of me."

"I can't. Don't leave like this."

"Like what?"

"On these terms…I don't want us to fight." His eyes pleaded with her and she relaxed as he released her.

"I'm sorry, Baralai…but I can't do this." Paine hated the way she felt at that moment, especially in front of any of her guys. She hardly ever revealed anything other than her usual, stoic self and didn't want to be labeled as weak in front of them. "You need to stay away from me. It's the only way."

"The only way for what?"

"The only way for me to forget you." She said quickly as she turned heel and ran barefooted, clutching the excess of her dress so it wouldn't drag onto the ground in one hand and her shoes in the other.

Baralai stood at the table, wanting to follow her at first but halting himself. He knew she was right; that she was never going to be able to move on as long as he remained in her life and he sadly walked in the opposite direction back to his hover. Once he made it back to Kilika and his house, Baralai quickly changed, slipping into bed next to Andra who had no inclination that he had even gone anywhere.

Meanwhile, Paine ran until she was sure he and anyone else was out of her sight before leaning against the wall of the inn she was staying at, sobbing softly into her hand.

~X~

**A/N: Song used is White Flag, by Dido. I own nothing! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

The next morning Andra was the first to awaken. She sat up and stretched, yawning as she sleepily looked around the room. She glanced over at Baralai, who was lying on his stomach; his face in the opposite direction of hers, deep in sleep. The soft, white hair that fell loosely across his face just begged to be touched so Andra did, moving the stray hairs away from his tawny cheeks. She shifted onto her right elbow, leaning into Baralai as she continued to run her fingers gently through his hair and along his scalp, watching him sleep. He seemed so at peace with the world to her, but she really knew little to nothing about what he'd really been through the past few days and nights.

Eventually, Baralai began to stir, and he turned to Andra's side, his head resting in her lap as he drifted back to sleep, relaxing under her ministrations. He made himself a little more comfortable, gripping Andra's left thigh as if it were a pillow, exhaling deeply. She smiled, lost in the serenity of the moment as she leaned her head back against his headboard, closing her eyes as well. Andra felt him grip her thigh a little tighter and he let out a groan. She assumed he was dreaming, so she resumed running her fingers through his hair, calming him down, but what he mumbled aloud afterward sent shockwaves through her body.

"_Paine…I'm sorry. Please come back…"_

Andra jolted her head forward from the headboard; her heart pounded in her chest as she tried to figure out why he was dreaming of his warrior friend.

She didn't know much about Baralai's friends aside from the fact that he and the other three were pretty close. Andra never learned about that night on the Mi'hen with Paine. She just assumed Paine was a sisterly type to him and disregarded her up until that point. Now, thinking back to Gippal at the bonfire noting how close she and Baralai were years ago started filling Andra's head with doubts about his love for her and she thought about the night before and the disappointed look in his eyes when she told him they needed to wait.

"_I don't have anything to worry about." _She reasoned, now caressing his cheek with the back of her fingers tenderly. _"We're the ones getting married. Baralai proposed to __**me**__." _Andra stopped her hand, putting a finger to her mouth in contemplation. _"But…what if he does regret it? He said he didn't…"_

"You look troubled."

Andra was surprised to see Baralai staring up at her, his hands resting on her legs as he propped himself up. "What's the matter?"

She shifted her body downward and he moved until she was face to face with him. Without a word she held his face in both of her hands as she brought his lips to hers, kissing him softly, taking him by surprise. Andra didn't break the kiss as she rolled Baralai onto his back, settling herself on top of him. When she drew her head back, he continued to look at her, a little confused himself.

"What are you doing?" He asked, gripping her thighs as he tried to push her away. "You know what this does to me…"

"I know, and I don't care…"

"Andra…"

"It's ok…I want you to."

"What about waiting until we're married?"

"It's not worth it to wait if you're unhappy." She said, lowering her lips to his chest, sprinkling kisses down his abdomen. "Besides, we _will_ be married soon, so thinking back, I don't think it's such a big deal after all." Baralai's head fell back and he let out a groan from the attention her lips were giving him. "I'll take that as an 'Ok'" Andra purred, and that was all he needed before he completely took over, his mind clouded with lust.

"_This'll get you to forget about her…"_ Andra thought to herself as she allowed him to make love to her for the first time.

~X~

Andra lie contently in Baralai's arms, her head resting on the inside of his elbow, pleased with herself at the decision she'd made. Baralai, on the other hand stared blankly off into space, unable to keep his mind off of Paine and the night before, regretting he'd ever given in to Andra.

He turned his body, lightly moving his fiancée off of his arm so he could recline on his back with his elbows resting under his head. Andra didn't seem to mind, she curled into a ball, wrapping the sheets around her naked body to keep warm and fell back to sleep. As Baralai looked her over, he tried hard to remember why it was he was marrying her and found it tough to come to a conclusion he should have immediately had an answer for. _"If that bonfire never happened, would I be feeling the way I do now?"_ He wondered. _"If I hadn't seen her again…If she didn't put those doubts into my head…if she didn't give me any inclination that she still cared…would I still feel like I've made a huge mistake?" _

~X~

At that very moment, Paine lay in a similar fashion in her own bed, staring up at the ceiling of her apartment in Luca. The tears hadn't stopped falling since she ran off the night before, and she found sleep difficult. It was all out; he knew she still had feelings for him, and she felt terrible about it because he had moved on and she didn't, only proving that she was the weaker one. That thought alone made Paine disappointed in herself; she knew there were no strings attached that night so why did she selfishly hold onto it as if it meant something more than it was? She felt so many things at once: embarrassment, weakness, regret, love…

Love.

She knew she shouldn't have been feeling that, not after knowing all this time of Baralai's relationship. Paine thought she was strong enough to put it past her, but in the end she just couldn't fight her feelings, which was why she fell back on her singing. At least being in a crowded bar she could make it seem like she was entertaining the crowd while drowning her sorrows without anyone being the wiser. She hadn't counted on him coming in for a drink and finding her out, and she was more embarrassed that he was able to read her so well as to accuse her of harboring feelings for him.

"_Why didn't you tell me you still had feelings for me?"_

The way he asked her that question made it sound like something would have changed if only she had told him, but even Paine was not that delusional to think he would just drop Andra for him. She never thought of herself as the one that got away. Wiping the last of the tears from her eyes, Paine threw her feet over the side of the bed and stood up, making her way to the shower.

"That's enough." She declared to her reflection in the bathroom mirror. "He's moved on, and you should too. No more being depressed. It is not good for the complexion." Paine chuckled a little to herself not out of amusement, but because she knew she wasn't fooling herself. Stepping into the shower it seemed as if she tried washing her emotions away, determined to get the old Paine back. At least with his promise of staying away from her she had a chance to do just that. It was all she had to rely on.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

_A restaurant in Kilika…_

"I'm glad we agreed to do this!" Yuna exclaimed, scooting herself into the booth so everyone else could fit as well. "It's been at least a good month since we've gotten together, isn't that right, Rikku?" Tidus scooted in next to her, followed by her cousin, Gippal, and lastly, Leblanc, with Nooj at the end.

"Yeah, but it's too bad Paine and Baralai aren't here to join us." Rikku said with disappointment in her tone. "Has anyone seen them lately?" The waitress handed out menus and each one took one, thanking her with nods and smiles.

"The last time Noojster and I saw 'Lai we were at the temple and that didn't go too well." Gippal noted, alerting the waitress that he wanted a bottle of beer. "Looks like he's really gonna marry that girl."

"As he should." Nooj cut in; his hand semi-circled around his glass of bourbon. "Don't forget, Gippal…he never actually said he didn't want to, you know. You're just drawing your own conclusions."

"But I know what I saw!" Gippal defended, taking the bottle from the woman and winking at her. "He did not act like a man that wants to get hitched." He stood up in his spot, raising his beer. "Trust me; _I_ know how a man acts when he wants to marry someone."

"Yes, we all know how you can "read" people, now sit down." Nooj scoffed, taking a sip of his drink. "People are staring."

"Let them stare!" He announced, looking down at Rikku. "So are you gonna tell em' or am I?" Gippal grinned as he got everyone's undivided attention and Rikku blushed, throwing up her left hand.

"Gippy here proposed to me, last night!" She announced, receiving squeals and hollers from her friends as she let the girls ogle her new diamond ring. "Who'd a thunk?"

"Yep." Gippal said proudly, sinking back into his seat as he kissed his new fiancée's cheek. "Had it mixed in with the parts of a new machina she'd been assembling for weeks and was wondering when she was gonna find it."

"You're lucky no one else did!" Rikku punched his arm playfully, lifting her glass of water from the table to take a sip. "This was my _sudran's_ ring, and Pops woulda killed ya if you lost it."

"I had it under control, Cid's girl. I just waited for you to leave the Faction every night and fished it out, sneaking it back in the next morning. You had no clue!"

"Anyway, that's wonderful news, love!" Leblanc added, gushing over the story as she placed her hand on Nooj's good leg. "Now if only some of that would rub onto my Noojie here…" She winked at him and he just grunted, pretending to pay more attention to the drink in his hand, but Leblanc could always see more into his actions and snuggled her head into his shoulder as he reluctantly let her, despite not being one for public displays of affection. "Have you picked a date?"

"Not yet." Rikku said, digging into one of the salads that the waitress had just brought out. "We don't wanna do anything without Lai and Dr. P." She bit down on a tomato and refilled her fork with lettuce. "I haven't seen her in ages…I hope she's ok."

"I'm sure she's fine, Rikku." Tidus reassured, his own fork darting about his salad haphazardly. "Maybe you could go back to that club you saw her at and let her know."

"I did! But the guy there said she'd stopped singing a little after I'd seen her, saying something about her wanting to travel Spira to sing at different places. It's gonna take forever to track her down now."

"Not really." Gippal noted with a finger to Rikku's nose playfully. "We could ask Buddy and Shinra to use the comm. Spheres they set up around Spira and keep an eye out for her." Everyone nodded in agreement as Gippal sat back, picking at a roll he'd taken from the basket in the center of the table.

"We could have an engagement shindig and invite them when we find her!" Rikku exclaimed, drinking her water, but wrinkled her nose when she set the glass down. "What's gonna stink is Baralai bringing that Andra chick with him…that's only gonna make Paine feel like a ninth wheel again."

"Well you can't invite Baralai and tell him to leave her home." Yuna picked at her chocobo fingers absentmindedly. "But maybe if we make it a huge party with lots of people instead of just us she won't feel left out!"

"That's a great idea." Tidus agreed, slapping Yuna gently on her leg in excitement. "Where are you guys gonna have this party?" He took a bite of his burger as Gippal answered the question.

"Djose temple would be a good place." Gippal looked to Rikku and she nodded in agreement. "I can have my men clean up the main hall and close off all of the offices; there'll be plenty of room…" He paused for a moment, and then a thought hit him. "I know! Once we find out where Dr. P is, we can hire her to come sing, and she won't even know it's gonna be for us! That's one way to get her there!"

Nooj shifted a little in his seat, suddenly interested in the conversation. "She's not going to be too happy with you if you don't tell her who she's performing for." He took another sip of his bourbon, placing it back onto the table. "Are you sure you want to open that can of worms?"

Gippal leaned into Nooj, raising his bottle up to the Meyvn's glass, clinked it with his, and with a shitty grin he simply said:

"That's all just details."

"What's all "just details"?" A voice from behind Gippal asked, startling the group. The al-bhed turned around surprised.

"Baralai! What are _you_ doing here?" He wondered, and pointed at Nooj. "Nooj, scoot over so Lai can sit with us! We're celebrating tonight! Cid's girl and I are gettin' married!" The Meyvn was shifting, but the Praetor shook his head.

"First off, Gippal, I _live_ in Kilika, remember? Second of all…congratulations! I'm so happy for the both of you." He smiled warmly at the two. "Nooj, don't move- I'm just here to pick up an order." Baralai paused and sighed, looking among his friends vacantly.

"We haven't seen you in a while, Baralai," Yuna noted with obvious concern. "Is everything all right? How's Andra?"

Baralai seemed to freeze at the mention of his fiancée's name, and he knew they were all thinking the same thing by the unanimous looks on all of their faces. He drew in a breath and closed his eyes. Opening them sharply, his answer was quick.

"Everything's fine, Yuna, thanks for asking. Andra is well, as am I. Whatever gave you the idea that I wasn't?"

"For starters, you look worse than the last time we saw ya, B." Gippal said bluntly. "Who you tryin' to kid anyway? Did you give _any_ thought to what I said?"

As he looked among his friends he cursed Gippal for being so forward and nosy. Baralai had hoped that the way he was feeling on the inside wasn't showing on the outside, but even _he_ knew he couldn't fool the people that had known him the most. Part of Baralai wanted to give in and tell them about his regret and possible detachment from Andra, but he just wasn't ready to answer questions and be barraged in the middle of a restaurant, and he figured it was pointless anyway because Paine had made her choice.

"I see my order is ready…I should be going. It was great to see all of you again."

"Are you gonna come to our engagement party, Lai?" Rikku asked suddenly, standing up to grab for his arm over the table. "It'll be at Djose temple in about a week or two; we'll let you know when exactly. We want you to come if you can." Rikku paused, letting him go. "Of course Andra is invited too!" She added quickly, smiling to hide the unease she felt at the mention of the woman's name.

"Send me the details, and of course we'll be there. I wouldn't miss it." After declaring his commitment, Baralai paused, thinking to himself for a moment before speaking again. "Is Paine coming?" He tried to sound indifferent, but once again by the looks on their faces, especially Gippal's he knew immediately what they were thinking. They didn't know he wasn't curious because he secretly wanted to see her, but because he knew it would only be harder on Paine if she came and he was there, especially with Andra.

"We don't know where she is" Yuna bit the bottom of her lip sadly. "Gippal was thinking of hiring her to sing and not tell her."

"You can't do that to her!" Baralai shouted, and everyone was shocked at the outburst. He tried to cover it up. "Err…you know how Paine doesn't like surprises." He'd hoped they bought his reasoning but for a moment it didn't look like they did until Nooj spoke up.

"That's what _I_ told him! But he seems to think it's the right idea."

"It's not." Baralai reiterated, trying not to stutter in his words but failing. "Paine…well…she…just don't do that to her, ok?" He grew uneasy and turned around towards the main counter. "I have to go. I'll see you all later." Before anyone could say anything in edgewise, Baralai disappeared into the crowd of people.

"What was that all about?" Tidus asked, a little confused. "He is a weird fella."

"Eh, he's always been like that, right Noojster?" Gippal said, looking at his friend with a smile.

"He's hiding something."

Meanwhile, Baralai left the restaurant and put a hand to his head. "I have to find Paine and tell her about that party." He said to himself as he headed back to his house.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Baralai entered his house and flicked the lights on. Placing the bag from the restaurant that contained his dinner onto his island counter, he sat himself on one of the stools in front of it. As he took the contents of the bag and assembled them onto a plate, Baralai found he'd had no appetite at all after the encounter with his friends at the restaurant. The more he recalled Gippal wanting to hire Paine out of false pretenses just to get her to come to his and Rikku's engagement party made him angry at Gippal for even suggesting such a thing, and it made him feel pity for Paine, and the possibility of her being humiliated in front of everyone.

It was growing increasingly hard for him to fight the overwhelming urge to protect her, and in that moment it became all too clear to him as to why.

Baralai leapt out of his seat, hurrying down to the study. In the empty room, he padded his way in the dark to his desk, switching on the lamp that sat upon it. Baralai rustled through his main drawer, pulling out a tablet with one hand and grabbing a pen from the implement cup next to the lamp with his right.

"There's no way I'm going to let them make a fool out of Paine if I can help it." He thought to himself as he began writing. He wasn't even sure where the woman was, but knew if he didn't try to find her before Gippal did that she would be set up for a humiliating experience no matter how good his intentions were.

With the finished letter enveloped in his hand, Baralai left the house only to stop in the doorway. As he scanned the perimeter from the left where the pier was, to the forests at his right he tried to think where Paine could possibly be at that moment. His thoughts kept tracing back to the club in Luca, but knew she wasn't there.

Then a thought struck him.

He'd begun to recall a conversation he'd had with Paine during one of the nights while in the squad. They sat together at the bonfire sharing stories of their past when she mentioned something about wanting to revisit her birthplace.

~X~

_**Flashback-**_

"_I lived in an even smaller town than Guadosalam, just outside Macalania." She recalled wistfully into the night sky as Baralai listened intently. "It wasn't even big enough to count as an actual city on the Spiran map, but it was home to me. If I ever feel like things in my life are too much for me I go there to its remnants to recollect myself and be reminded of all that I'd been through and accomplished."_

~X~

Baralai crumpled up the letter in his hand and headed toward his hover car, and as he started it up he pulled out into the direction of the docks, determined to reach his destination as quickly as possible. "This is something that can't be said in a letter, and I hope it's not too late." He said as he sped off into the night, boarding the last ferry out of Kilika.

A couple of hours later in Guadosalam he found the nearest inn, asking the desk clerk if he'd seen a tall, silver haired woman. Baralai was pleasantly surprised to hear that his guess was correct and she had been there, but out at the moment.

He trekked out on foot, heading to the approximate location she'd mentioned years ago and sure enough he saw her, standing in the middle of a town as small as she described; remnants of dilapidated houses and buildings seemed to encase her like a protective cloak. Dressed in her warrior's gear, Paine held her arms with gloved hands as the cold breeze blew through her. He laughed to himself watching her trying and failing to brave it before coming up behind her, removing his outer robe and wrapping it around her shoulders. Paine jumped, ready to fight as always but once she realized it was him she froze, understandably surprised to see him there.

"How did you…find me?" She stammered, putting her head inside Baralai's collar.

"It's not important." He replied making sure the robe was securely wrapped around her before letting her go. "Anyway, I've got something to tell…"

"You…remembered." Paine said with astonishment, her ruby eyes widening with each word. She smiled; a real, genuine smile for the first time in ages to her, and didn't bat an eyelash as she wrapped her arms around Baralai, burying her head into his chest. Although surprised himself at first, he immediately put his arms around her as well, struggling to hurriedly memorize the feeling of her body against him before it ended.

"You were my best friend back then, Paine." He said, crushing her to him as he took advantage of the moment. "I remember everything we talked about. Why would I ever forget?"

Paine didn't say anything in response; she just listened to the soft sound of his voice and wished she'd never have to leave the comfort of his arms. For as much as she knew he wasn't available to her, Paine allowed herself to think for a second that he was, and enjoyed the embrace.

The moment was short lived when reality hit.

"Wait. You said you had something to tell me?" Paine pushed out of his arms, regretful at first to leave the warmth but knew it was necessary for her sanity. "Why are you here?"

"Right…yes. Why I'm here." He stammered as he tried to recall. "Rikku and Gippal are engaged; they're having a party and want us to both come, but they were afraid to invite you because they didn't want you to feel…" Baralai turned the other way, not sure how to tell her she- in no uncertain terms-was alone.

"…I know what you're trying to say." She said harshly, trying not to sound like the word wasn't bothering her as much as it actually was.

"Not only that!" He exclaimed, cutting off any other words she may have said. "They weren't going to invite you as a guest, but have you sing at their party…without telling you."

"But why?" If the inclination of her being alone wasn't enough to make her want to either cry or punch something, the idea that they were plotting to trick her made her even angrier. "Do they think I'm just some sort of lonely heart who can't handle her friends being together?!" Paine paced back and forth, kicking up rubble and rocks with her boots. "Is that all I've been reduced to in their eyes?! First thing I'm going to do is march over to Djose and shove the heel of my boot up Gippal's ass! Then I'm going to stand there and watch as Rikku tries to pull it out because I'm going to make sure it is up there so tight the point comes out of his mouth!" Her pace quickened as she babbled on, each form of torture towards Gippal getting more violent than the last until Baralai intervened, grabbing the woman's shoulders to snap her out of it.

"Paine, that's not why they were going to do that, and anyway that's why I am here…to give you a heads up!" He hoped he could make her understand but the more he stared at her the more she babbled on and wasn't listening to him. Making a decision he knew he would pay for as quick as he decided, Baralai pressed his lips to hers, silencing the woman.

She struggled at first; instinctively putting her arms up to detach Baralai's hands from her shoulders but it didn't work. The more he kissed her the tighter he held on, and Paine suddenly felt that he wasn't mentally there with her, but in another time and place…

…under a blanket by a lake along the Mi'hen on a crystal clear starry night.

As they kissed, Paine wanted nothing more than to revisit that evening herself, but the ever logical and rational side of her knew that hiding in the past was something that could not and should not be done. With one strong heave, Paine pushed herself away from him; both panting from the kiss.

"Enough"

"No!" He breathed, hunched over with his hands resting on his knees as he struggled to keep his balance.

"You don't know what you're saying, Lai."

He stood upright swiftly, re-grabbing Paine's shoulders. "I do! For the first time, I really do!" he walked her over to the remnants of a Gil fountain set in the center of the old town and sat her down on its cement surface, joining her on the left side. He took Paine's hands and gazed into her eyes as she grew increasingly confused. "Will you hear me out?"

All she could do was nod dumbly.

"Ever since I saw you at that bonfire the night I told everyone about Andra and I…I haven't been the same…"

Paine felt like interrupting, but any words she wanted to say refused to come out and all she could do was listen as he continued; the expression on his face changing from one of shock to confidence.

"…I thought it was real…that what I was feeling was genuine for Andra, but I realize now that the feelings I had for you were just _transferred_ to her and not really real at all! Paine…do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

The look on her face was evidence enough that she didn't, or if she did the poor woman had trouble comprehending it. He smiled as he continued.

"What I'm trying to say is…that it's _you_ I want…_not_ Andra. I…love you." Baralai wasn't sure what he was expecting from Paine as he confessed to her, but the way her face contorted from confusion to anger again was not one of the reactions he was looking for.

"Are you kidding me?" She exclaimed, propelling herself off of the fountain's surface to distance herself from Baralai. "You can't play with me like this, Lai!"

"I don't understand what you mean…"

"You understand damn well what I mean! You can't say something like this to me and decide later you're going to change your mind…"

"You honestly think I would do something like that Paine? Or are you just making excuses? Tell me you don't feel the same…tell me you don't want me and I'll walk away, never bothering you again." He lifted his head and focused on Paine's face as she struggled inward to come to a decision, but her eyes locked, seemingly giving him his answer without her even speaking a word. "Very well then." Baralai said with a sigh, and turned around, heading in the direction of the town's entrance.

He was stopped by a hand gripping his arm tightly.

"Where are you going? I didn't give you my answer." Paine replied with a smirk, and before Baralai could say anything she kissed him, pulling his face into hers with her hand.

~X~

The morning sun sprinkled through the trees of Guadosalam and the tiny town slowly sprang to life as the inhabitants emerged from their homes and shops.

An alarm went off in an inn room, and a tanned hand slapped it, silencing its incessant beeps. Baralai rolled onto his left side, face to face with a sleeping Paine and he smiled, thankful the night they had shared wasn't just a meaningless dream. Propping himself up against the headboard, Baralai scratched the back of his head and yawned, tilting his head back. Paine opened her eyes, looking up at Baralai.

"Hey"

"Hey there." He replied, leaning in to kiss Paine, lowering himself down to her level on the bed.

"How did we end up here?" She asked honestly, tracing his cheeks with the pads of her thumbs in tender circles.

"You're not going to make me answer that, are you?"

"No…but what are we supposed to do now? Did you tell Andra anything?" Paine wrapped the sheet around her chest, lifting herself up until she was above him.

Baralai sat up again as well; his expression turned serious. "No…and I guess I was just trying to avoid that topic for…"

"She can't be avoided, Lai."

"I know- which is why I'm going to tell her…" Baralai hugged a pillow to his chest, staring down at his knees. "I'm probably going to lose my position and be ex-communicated from the temple once her father finds out I've dumped his daughter."

"Do you need me to be there with you?" She asked, coming up behind him, resting her chin on Baralai's shoulder, kissing the bare skin of his back. "If anyone gives you any trouble I'll kick their ass for you." Paine giggled, pulling his back into her chest, stretching her legs out from behind him. "I don't think anything will happen…"

"At least one of us is optimistic." He laughed, tilting his head back as she continued kissing his neck. "I know I'm not so sure as you…I can't imagine what Andra is going to say to me…"

~X~

_The same time; Baralai's house in Kilika_

"Baralai! Baralai! Are you home?" Andra knocked on her fiancée's front door, waiting for him to open it. When he didn't reply after her twentieth knock she leaned in to peek in the window, noticing the crumpled up note that landed in the bushes.

"What's this…" she asked, picking it up curiously. She un-crumpled it, opened the envelope and took out the letter inside, and as she read it, her face had become redder than the curls that crowned her head.

_Paine,  
I was writing at first to let you know of a plot our dear Gippal was planning, but the more I think about it, there is something more important I must tell you. This letter is to let you know that I'm unable to fight my feelings for you any longer…feelings I thought were reserved for someone else but actually aren't. I realize now that I was never able to put our night together behind us. Please consider coming back…back to me; I haven't been able to think straight without you._

_Baralai~_

"So…So this is how you _really_ feel, eh Baralai?" Andra said to herself, squeezing the letter tighter in her hand as hot, angry tears fell down her cheeks in rivulets. "Fine…but don't think I'm letting you go _that_ easily..."

"…Oh yes…you're going to pay"


End file.
